musings

Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about what I will be when my little boy doesn't need me in quite the same three-year-old way that he needs me now. Believe me, it's not that I really ever want that to happen. The thought is rather terrifying, like I'll be sitting alone on that big, unmoving rock in our yard wondering, "What just happened? What am I supposed to do now?"  I will always be a Mama first and foremost and I know that the ways in which I am needed will only change and not simply go away. But, I think, there will be a new space and the lingering question of, "Who am I now? I never really figured that out before having my son and I wonder if I will ever be able to piece all of the different parts of me together. I think I will. I hope I will. In the meantime, what better thing to do than to make a little (or not so little, as the case may be!) list. Here it is.....and feel free to stop reading whenever you want!

Turn the old town barber shop into a flower store and get early morning deliveries of Poppies and Ranunculus and Lilacs. Come home with my fingers smelling of wild roses.


Open a little toy store that smells like bees wax and baby's breath and the sweet lingering scent of the sweaty brows of happy children.


Have a cafe where I make my own lemonade and serve it out of big glass jars with fresh lemon slices floating on top...and there would be almond cake and fresh yellow eggs too!


Go to France and have a cherry orchard and learn to make that tart I once had there filled with the tree's ripe fruit and pine nuts. Sophie was her name.


Have a home child center where I can read, "Blueberries for Sal" on an old sheep skin-covered rocker and have little children at my feet (my own included!)


Write a book about something. Not sure what it would be about but I would want the paper to be matte and the format to be small enough to fit in a pouch. I would dedicate it to my son and my partner, my parents and my sisters and my brother too. (can you do that?)


Become a real shepherdess and breed our darling Baby Doll Southdowns (but how could I possibly say good-bye to those sweet lambs?)


Open a community play center where all children could come and have access to lovely toys in an inspiring and beautiful space.


Convert a Sprite camper into an egg cart so I can go to farmer's markets and sell our beautiful, perfectly delicious yellow eggs! 


Have an antique store where sun light bounces off glass prisms and the music of smoky-voiced singers plays on the old record player.

Learn to play the guitar and get brave enough to be in a blue grassy folk band. (That's more of a fantasy!)

Okay, that was fun and I think enough for now.  Thanks for indulging me!

And what about you? Are there things that you daydream about doing?